and another thing

Characterized by uncontrollable bouts.

1

they say to do one thing for yourself: stop.

Fog and dinner and cigarettes and wine. Is that what this is good for? Is that all? It is never enough, I know and Isador knows and Ian knows too, even though he is perfect. We are all so perfect. Each of us, here. Please, can I go now? It has been three weeks here in this room and no one feels any better. Is that what this is? The feel-better room? Well, I want to leave. We all do. Be better, get better. Happy as a lark. We are happy as a lark. Look: I am smiling. He asked me to laugh again. You have such a funny laugh. Laugh at me now, laugh.

The crisis is in my head. This much I know. On the other side of logical, everything is just as it was five minutes ago. I need to let it ride for a moment. I want to. This is my time, right now. I will give myself 23 seconds to let it ride and then I will dismount, a 9.625 vault. It’s been so long since I had a good fuck. Man, am I achin’ for it! Hey you, kid, there with a sausage dick, come over here and put it up in me! Then I’ll call the doctor-man to sit with me on the porch. He always looks at me simply to say: Oh, You’re cold. And sad. And he just stays next to me and covers me with his jacket for a few minutes and doesn’t say anything else. It’s nice, the peace and quiet.

stop too long

Do you remember that time Ian and Isadora climbed all the way to the top of the building without their hands? It was one of those days where everything happened. We couldn’t keep up and just had to nod our heads, OK, and keep moving. Keep Moving. In the make-believe part, I grabbed the fig and ran to the downstairs patio where I undressed to sun my body. The next-door neighbor had the sprinkler on and also a garden hose from the other side of the house. I redressed. I will tell him to Converse Water! I mean, Conserve it! I will teach him the lesson!

I spent all the time looking for my sleeve.

When I crossed the fence, he was gone.

today, swim

Bubbles, millions of them. Let them go, let them go, keep moving.

I want to hang on, I want to hang onto them and make something! I want to MAKE SOMETHING with one of them!

Let them go. Let them move through you today. Smile when they pass by you on the water. Hold you nose and count to seven. More will come. You will laugh and float.

Swim. Swim. Now, swim.

wait for it

1…2……3….GO! Dance like a lady and a man!

merry

Twelve days pass and I make simple dinners and wait until the coffee moves through me to work. And I work and I work and I sew you in tight between the folds of the suit. He will wear this suit on his sailboat in Corsica, and he won’t care how much you’re there, how stuck you are to the seam of his pant leg. I wish you wouldn’t sulk so much about it. Maybe you’d like an inside pocket better, but we do with what we have in this life. You will never know the callouses on his hand when he jingles his coins around, and that’s a silver lining, so just think about that. It was going to be my secret gift to him, to make him tote you around like little monster Thumbelina day in and day out. Ian and Isador would climb on his knees and he’d readjust you slightly so you could see his lap, the long lap of his legs, and Isador would say that it’s long as a swimming pool lap with the deep end and they’d laugh and all three say gosh! at the same time and then have to settle down and have some snacks. Remind me to come back to this story, I always forget it and then have to retell it just to remember if it happened. And I think it really did happen. Yes, certainly, it did. IT REALLY DID HAPPEN. And not just to anyone, to me. And it’s true.

paste

Saltines and ginger ale and stomach flu. I nurse myself.

Liza said for months that she wanted to escape. On the fourth day of October they boarded an aircraft with two suitcases and a fig. They flew in the air for seven hours. When they got there, the sheets were clean. They opened a window and they opened a suitcase and they hung up four shirts, brushed their teeth and took a nap.

Reflection in the adirondack chairs

I was only the night float.

Your day doctor left shitty directions.

The hand off should have sufficient directions.

I would have given sufficient directions.

The city is fogged out and I don’t understand implicit differentiation.

We desparately need a new sofa.

Let’s shoot someone in the playground and redecorate jail.

Breeeeezy.

Enough said.

In the morning it’s Monday.